So Blue...

So I have to be honest about this whole experience, and frankly it has been really hard. I guess Ian, my soon-to-be roommate stated it best when he said I have really been on my own here both physically and emotionally. That, of course, is not to say that I haven't had wonderful calls from Mom and Dad and Levi and emails from friends, but when I get home I am on my own, not talking to anyone and really on my own. I am also totally run down as school is really tiring, so I am exhausted, adjusting to life here, wishing I were both out with friends here (if I had any...) and back home with Levi at the same time. Yikes. And the whole friend thing of course takes time and I know that and I re-remember it every time I go to a new country, how hard it is, and in a few weeks when I have some I will forget about all of this sadness, which is why it is so important for me to write this down. I feel weak and wimpy admitting how sad I am, and it's really not homesick, because I love it here, I just want to fast forward all this hard stuff and get to the fun part! I wish I had been with a group of people slightly older, with just a little more experience behind them, but the kids in my class are fun and have been really nice and in seeing how sad I have been have made an effort to cheer me up. I'm not moping or anything, but I'm really not sleeping well, and have mentioned some of my bad dreams (hair falling out, mom dying and me waking up crying) and I guess I must look a little ragged because the trainer came up to me today to ask if I was OK. And that of course sends me crying again, because it is so hard to admit it so I just say no then want to run to the bathroom and bawl my eyes out! How embarassing. Like it's the army and I can't cut it or something. Anyway so that's a subplot at the moment, but it is a constant and so needs to be added to the story. The rain doesn't help much, either. Damn winter! I can't wait for spring.