Davin's Quiz (heelarious!)

This cracked me up, because he nailed so much of the truth about this city in his little "quiz." So here it is, with some mild editing.

Davin in Argentina Quiz

1. Where is Davin currently residing?
a. with his delightfully brash and loud jewish hostfamily, complete with tear-inducing family fights.Living in Once(ohn-say), the flea-market/ghetto areaof town.
b. in the video rental store where his argentine(boy)friend, Walter, works/sleeps. Complete withlocal stray dogs, and long mate sessions and bedbehind the counter. hot!
c. on his friend Alexis' cold, hard, marble floor,whilst he looks for permanent habitation of his own
d. a delightful hostel in palermo, rooming with twocool aussie kidse. sharing a bed with Kea in her apartment, where heconstantly spoons her against her will when he comes stumbling in drunk at 6:30 in the morning
f.the street

2. What does Davin do every Saturday afternoon?
a. walk down to the Ecological preserve to strollaround, picnic and read Harry Potter(in spanish)underneath large shady trees
b. consume a large 'slunk' of tasty Argentine beef toquell his post-partying hangover/still drunk meatcravings
c. watch Argentine music videos, rocking along to thenewest Shakira song that they play every 5 minutes
d. nothing, because he is still fast asleep frompartying at the Palacio the night before

3.Which of these is NOT part of davin's work?
a. spending 3-4 hours a day on public transportation,bopping around the city from class to class
b.leaving home at 7am and returning at 8pm
c. teaching American culture workships to telemarketers, who will soon be calling your house inthe USA, using idioms I taught them, such as 'bananas' as in "this shit is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-anas!"
d. getting paid to take business men out to lunch,speaking only in English. Complete with free 3-coursemeal!
e. getting paid lots of money because teachers are filthy rich.

4.When you walk into a Peluqueria(barbershop) inBuenos Aires you are most likely to walk out withwhat...a.
a rooster/skunk mullet
b. a single rat-tail dread
c.3 lines shaved into your right eyebrow
d.huge chucks of hair missing from you head in a'fashionable' manner
e. all of the above

5.Which of these delightful facets of Davin's dailylife in BA pleases him the most?
a. the pet turtle, lola, who lives on Kea's balconyand likes to hide under his towel
b. being able to discern and examine, on a dailybasis, the diets of the local dogs by looking at thebottom of his shoe
c. learning how to correctly say 'hermosa' like thesketchy men who mutter this under their breath at Kea& Amanda as they walk by
d. learning the 30 different spanish words for types of beef to satisfy my cravings for cowflesh

6.Which of the following has NOT happened to Davin?
a. gotten his phone stolen
b.moshed with 20,000 sweaty Argentines at (get this) aMoby concert
c.late night graffiti sessions with Kea
d. ending up in an Argentine hostpital at 3am with abroken toe, during a particularly debaucherous night

8. Which of the following quotes from down here wassaid by Davin?
a. "she looked like a baked potata" -when talkingabout a girl with a fake n' baking problem
b. "Chickens aren't birds, they are breasts withbeaks"
c. "did you know pandejo literally translates to'pubic hair'..uh, hello Alexis?" -while thinking he ison hold, but actually not
d." usually when there is a crotch in my face, its cuzthey like me"
e. "get off my nalgas!" said to fellow subwaypassengers

9. Which of the following are you NOT likely to findin Argentina?
a. a guy who will call you back
b. spicy food, or any flavor other than salt
c. a hearty breakfast
d.people who actually go to a gym to work out
e. a complete lack of corruptionf. all of the above

10. People will push, shove, elbow and crush you whiletrying to get into the Subte(subway), but will obediently line up in a civilized line for thecollectivos(buses) because.....?
a. no reason whatsoever
b. because it confuses stupid extranjeros(foreigners)
c.those damn sweaty Argentines!
d.because "what happens underground, stays underground"
e.hell if I know